A Collection of Life Lessons
I’ve Learned Thus Far:
So my birthday is well in the words of Pocahantas “just around the river bend.” So get your birthday gifs ready. I don’t find much joy in my birthday, they’ve just often been disappointing. I’ve never thought they were a huge accomplishment, or like my sister felt the need to dedicate a whole week. Though if I did I’d call it “Bindz Birthday Bonanza.” But I don’t, so I won’t. I guess I understand the almost personal new year feeling about birthdays. A fresh start, a new age. But I guess, just do that everyday, don’t wait for a single day to come around, to do something. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to write about my birthday, but I thought I should write something. Most of you don’t know my real name, or my age. That’s deliberate, the name thing is for privacy. The age thing, is well I like the mystery, and it’s not really important. So for my birthday this year, I wrote a list of things I’ve learned in my unspecified years on this earth. Little thing I’ve picked up on. Without further rambling, here you go.
•You don’t have the right to change anyone. No one has to change for you. If you can’t love someone romantically or platonically as they are, let them go. Simple. You don’t love someone, and say but only if you change this.
•You gotta take care of yourself. Whatever that means to you. You have to eat, and eat the right foods every once in a while.
•You don’t get to say relax, to anyone ever. They are not your emotions to control. They are theirs. They will express them as they see fit. If they lay hands on you that’s a different story. But otherwise, sometimes people blow up. Sometimes they blow up, and then don’t want to talk about it right away. But if someone is angry, or any emotion that makes you uncomfortable, you don’t get to tell them to stop
•Losing pets hurts. It hurts a fucking lot. You don’t think about it when you get a pet. But it happens and it hurts. People without pets won’t get it.
•Spending your time pretending to be anything you are not, to fake interest in things you don’t care about, to impress others is futile. You will get sick of it, you will get sick of hearing the music you are only pretending to like. At the end of the day, it’s much more worth it to have a few friends who get it, than a ton of friends that you have to fake yourself around.
•People love to categorize everything. They love to label things. Generalize things. Compare everything. But you don’t have to do this to yourself. You can be all the things, you don’t have to fit in a box. You can like music from all different genres. Wear the clothes you like, if that’s all black one day, and a sundress the next. You get to do that. Also you aren’t going to have to ever choose between two bands, two foods etc. But for some reason, people love asking those kinds of “if you had to have one which” “this or that” questions. You are not the same as everyone your age, your family, your gender, your whatever. People like to lump everyone in those as one sweeping generalization. Don’t listen to them.
•Some people haven’t seen Star Wars, those people are dumb.
•Age is a number. Since time isn’t really, real. Neither is age. People use their age in all sorts of ways. Young people use it as a crutch to remove themselves from blame. They’re young, you’re old, it’s your fault, you should have known better. Old people use it to completely devalue anything you are going through, because you are younger. The reality is, middle age can be any age. You don’t know when you are past middle age. A 7 year old could be. You just don’t know. I’ve met adults more childish than actual children, and a 15 year old far too wise beyond her years. You don’t have to stick to what your peers are doing, at any age. It goes back to the generalization thing. If you don’t want to spend your 20s partying, you don’t want to spend your 30s raising kids, you’re in your 60s and still want to be an active athletic person. Do it. Don’t allow your age, and societies views on that age to cage you in.
•For god’s sake, if you have grandparents or older parents/relatives/friends, listen to their stories. Feel your teeth resting on each other, and listen to them. Think of how often you say or think “I’ll tell my grandkids about this someday” now think of how often you listen to those kinds of stories. Everyone has grown up being told their stories would be heard, and now we are all too busy constantly sharing our minute by minute experiences to listen. Turn your phone off and listen to them. Maybe you’ll learn something, but trust me, it will mean more to them than anything. Remember unlike our lives, their stories die with them. We have copious amounts of information stored on the Internet, a portion of our lives are documented. They don’t have that. If they were in wars, lived through the depression, whatever. If you don’t listen, those stories die with them.
•You are not always the most important. Face that and accept it as soon as possible. The room’s attention will not always be on you. You won’t always be the smartest. You won’t always be important. But use those times to listen, to learn. If you shut your mandible, and pull away your ego, you may just learn something. The times where you know the least in the room, are the best times to learn. No one likes listening any more. We seem to be in constant fights to be the best or the funniest or smartest in a room. You don’t have to be.
•Life isn’t a romantic comedy. Your boyfriend will not be Ryan Gosling. Accept that. No one comes to you perfectly wrapped up. People are flawed. People have pasts, scars, pain, exs, baggage. That’s part of life. Somewhere along the line we’ve forgotten that, and we bail on the first imperfection. By all means watch and enjoy those movies, but remember that your boyfriend isn’t going to be like that. It’s just not real life. Neither are the relationship goals on Twitter. It’s not fair to anybody to say things like “well so and so husband does it.” Comparing anyone like that isn’t useful. Your relationship is your own, just as theirs is theirs.
•Pay attention to kids. You can learn a lot from children. I guess it’s not so much learning, as relearning and stripping away the damage of adulthood. To children to world is magic. The world is simple. If you want to be friends with someone you just are. If the floor has to be lava, the floor becomes lava. When kids watch movies, they don’t get mad at the CG work, or the talking animals. They take it for what it is. Too many adults lose the very qualities that are so admirable in children, and it’s sad. Hold on to some of that magic, and wonder.
•Communication is key. So many say this, so few do this. Communicate. The silent treatment is my favorite way for no issues to be solved. If you have a problem with someone, go to them directly. Don’t listen to he said, she said. There’s no situation where going to the person directly and being honest isn’t the best choice. It’s a matter of respect, and honestly the path to choose for the least confusion.
•Bread is good always
•This is all bullshit. None of this matters. The amount of likes on a tweet, the filter you chose today. It doesn’t matter. The mistakes your agonizing over. At the end of your life, when your heart stops beating, everything gets compressed. Your mistakes, your achievements, all get sort of smushed down. The things you are worrying about, won’t be remembered. So stop living to be remembered, that’s not the point. I guess just build a life, that makes it worth it to deal with the bullshit of each day.
•Music you like is so important. Good music will change your life. We can all pinpoint songs or albums that you listened to on repeat during different points in your life. But day to day, music is imperative. Find music you genuinely like, try genres you wouldn’t normally. Plus, you can’t really go wrong with Sinatra.
•In the words of Frank Turner
“we are all broken boys and girls, at heart/come together, fall apart”
He’s right. No one has it together as much as you think. The more people you talk to, the more you see we are all hurt. We are all just still feel like the kids who were never good enough. People are insecure as results of past relationships. Often the most intense and overly self confident one, is the most hurt and insecure. We forget that we are all just scarred and working on things, because we all try so hard not to show it. When dealing with people try and on some level understand that. Now of course some people are just assholes, that will always be true.
•Comedy is offensive. Comedy is designed to deal with the things that are uncomfortable, or not allowed by normal standards. Look back to the pies in the face, the seltzer water being sprayed, that was funny because it’s something that’s taboo, it was naughty it wasn’t allowed. Comedy is ultimately a way to deal with life, and life isn’t always politcally correct. So comedy won’t be either. The opposite of comedy is tragedy , and now more than ever we need comedy to deal with this world.
•Dying your hair at home is always messier than you think it will be
•Your family is always more racist than you think, and Facebook helps prove that
•Pants were designed for the sole pleasure you receive in taking them off
•Buy good shoes, beds, and tires. It’s worth it.
•Sometimes a Mister Rogers quote is all you need to feel a bit better. Like this one:
“Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”
•The Internet and social media is a double edged sword. Utilize and protect yourself from it. It’s a grand way to connect with people, people who are like you. It’s also a super way way to fall into the void. The void of comparing, the void of people foaming at the mouth for likes, the void of people striving to portray perfection. I won’t say it’s all bad, and it’s certainly not all good. It is what it isn’t, the greatest tool and strongest weapon.
•Social Media, ruined break ups. It did. You no longer can just move on, you see reminders of them on every platform. You can now see everything they do, everything they’re doing with new people, because of social media. It makes it hard to move on, nearly impossible. Which is also why largely keeping it off social media is the way to go.
•Anytime you have the chance to be more like Dick Van Dyke, you should.
•Tell the people you care about that you care about them. Life is short and long, and you don’t know when it ends. Don’t waste time on people that will never work out. Don’t waste time fucking with people you hate, just to mess with them. Move on. But the people who have been there for you, that listen, thank them. Find people even if it’s just a few, who you know care about you. But by god, tell people. In general tell people, if you need closure on something, go to them. If you appreciate someone tell them. I’ve been to 7 funerals this year, 7 reminders that we are all temporary. Don’t hold onto words that you feel need to be said.
•Get comfortable and cute underwear. Life sucks enough, don’t add to it with uncomfortable underwear.
Okay I think that’s it for now, this is not everything, but what I could write out for now. If today is your birthday, then happy birthday. If it is not, then a very merry unbirthday to you. Ta ta for now!